How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
