i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
