i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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