I'm jealous of your bromance
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
