If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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