ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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