Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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