Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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