Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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