dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
