I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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