Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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