Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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