I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?