Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.