worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
