YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.