For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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