Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
