addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
