Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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