WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
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Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
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FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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