Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
