i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
