she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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