It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
