i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
