I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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