a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I believe in your delicious
The adults are the big ones right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
