Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
