We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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