my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
