Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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