Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
