***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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