So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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