the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
