I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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