im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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