Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
