Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
