I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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