i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
