Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
