Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
