I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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