hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
