My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
