Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
