before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it because I queefed?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
