I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
