mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
