Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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