Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
