I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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