she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
