Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize