Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
