Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
