I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
