I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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