i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
