peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
