Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just pee around me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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