Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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