Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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