At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
