WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
