I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
