still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
