So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
