He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
