I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
