There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
