She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
