no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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