I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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