'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
