I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
