I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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