If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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